Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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