Where did you get a picture of my penis
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
