dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
