I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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