Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
