On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
