I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
