Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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