i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
