You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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