just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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