She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
