I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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