It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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