remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
