eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
