i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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