I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
