insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
