he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
