she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
