WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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