I used to practice getting hit by cars.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
