i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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