Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
