I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
try to milk me bitch
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
