Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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