sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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