new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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