I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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