So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
