also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
