if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
