dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
