i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
