I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
