and she was petting her beer can
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
