All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
