You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
