I heard we made out
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
