Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
