Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize