there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
