I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
