I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
