in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
