i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
