no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
