i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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