Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
