I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
