we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
