oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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