I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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