That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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