Someone shit on the floor
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
