I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
