shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
