btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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