Having a random hookup so left but love u
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
