sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
