Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
