I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
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