wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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