All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
