Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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