I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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