Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize