I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
