nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
