it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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