You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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